# 9 Where am I wrong?

Good Afternoon,

I am wrong when I am not responsible, or I do not hold myself accountable-and then I lie about it. 

I believe my honesty truly starts with myself and nobody else.  Most people do not know or care about what I do, but internally I know and eventually it will surface.  I think that is true of the majority of mankind.  We have an internal true direction.  An internal right and True North to do the correct action.

When we do not follow it as an individual, there is turmoil.  As a group we become chaotic.  No society can exist long in that state.

I used to have this long set of rules.  I tried to live by other's dictates.  I began to seriously resent it as I got older and became very self-righteous and figured I had the money and the means I would do as I pleased.  That only worked for so long.  I paid a consequence and was expected to be compliant.  It still took me a while to accept my "wrongness" and until I did I was not changing.

Today I check my intent and my awareness in situations.  I am a selfish person.  I want what is best for me, but I also am a team player and I want what is best for others.  For me that is owning my own shit.  I may not like it, but when I own that I am wrong I learn the most and that is not by me doing whatever I please whenever.

So if I am wrong, it may take a minute, but I will accept it and own it and do what I can to make the situation right.  It is learning for me.

#8 Future

Yes, I agree with the idea that my future is up to me.  I know I have to do the work to get where I want to go, I also have learned I have to have a vision or a goal.

I am the kind of person that truly believes in the Law of Attraction and the Universe will provide.  The Universe is massive and it will give me exactly what I put out there.  I believe I have learned this the hard way and the accepting way.  I hear that saying that Karma is a witch.  Karma is what I make it.

To say I do not know, I need help, and to communicate is a way for me to go forward, but I have to also be able to talk about what I want.

Three years ago I had a chance to go back to work in the field I love-mining.  I blew it, literally, I got a DUI.  It has taken me three years to get back into that field.

At first I was pitiful, then angry, then resentful and I got all of that ten-fold.  When I quit blaming others because I like to drink and just accepted I can do it anymore, my life started to turn around.
The gifts are unreal.  I am in school, my relationships are wonderful, and I have the beginning of a new career.  I am responsible for my behavior and my dreams. 

To be happy and have a "clear" direction the possibilities are endless.  I could not dream as big as I could drink.  Today I KNOW the sky is the limit.  Just a little effort goes a long ways.  I read somewhere that 20% effort yields 80% results.  True.

#5 Breaking Rules

For me I have to recognize if I am breaking a moral/value internal rule, or a man-made rule.  I believe in living by my personal integrity. 

 I do not like rules.  I do not like other people expecting me to live by their designed rules.  I do believe in ethics and that there is a general sense of right and wrong.  We learn by our mistakes, and successes.  We learn by ourselves and with others.  It is a process.  Rules in are regulations.

I have broken many rules.  I have not always got caught but in a clear conscious I should have.  If we are willing to break rules we have to accept the consequences.  I believe that change and trying something out of the norm can open huge doors.  It may not always fit well, but the beauty of being human and learning from our past and others is we can adjust. 

I believe most people have an internal direction that guides them.  It may become weak and get confused, but human beings are resilient they will come back if they have a support and direction.
Just as rules are implemented and supported people need and want support. 

Education, life, and a general idea of free will allows us to break the rules, but we ought to remember than when one rule is gone, another one replaces it.  Hopefully they (the rules) work for the good of all and not just a few.

# 4 World to be....

I want the world to be different because I help create a legacy, a vision.

My passion for work is the mining industry.  I love the earth.  I also care about people and have learned that we can get lost on the streets and within ourselves.  I want to create something, a place that can help people find their way back to HOPE.

The mining industry provides a lucrative life, where I want to go it will be even more so.  I can live on minimal amounts of money, with the excess I want to build this vision that will house, educate, and provide a safe environment with opportunities of joy and freedom.  I want it to nurture the light of HOPE.

I get that this sounds completely humanitarian, I dig that.  The process of creating it and sustaining this vision is idealistic and completely doable.  I have seen it from both sides, possibly multi-dimensional and the reality is it is possible. 

I hope others will add.  This is how I want the world to be different in one way.

# 7 Different

How do I want to be different because I lived in this world?

I want to be different by growing, learning, and giving back.  I spent so much of my youth feeling entitled if I worked for something it was mine and none of your business, because I thought it was such a dog eat dog place.

I had a lot of accomplishments and by others standards success.  I just kept wanting more and cared less.  Then life took a real turn and I experienced a shift.  Nothing means anything if I don't give back.  I created my dog-eat-dog environment when I got older and it sucked.

Today I learn from others.  I have empathy.  I know less today than I did yesterday, yet my life is fuller and has much more meaning and worth.  I can see the value in others today.  That is a pretty good sight.

I want to leave this world better than when I got here.  Physically, spiritually, emotionally, financially.  I can do my part to recycle and care about the environment, therefor leaving a place to live in the future.  I can share my story truthfully and that allows me to heal, accept myself, and let others know that they are not alone.  For a long time I thought I was the only person who grew up the way I did.  I want better for myself and others.

I am willing to do what it takes and that means participating in life and I learn by watching others.  Actions are louder than words, I believe there are more people who care about what they do and give than who they are.  I want to be different because I care and know that others care.

Where should I break the rules?  Wherever I am willing to pay the consequences.

I believe in my personal integrity.  I know right from wrong, and if I am willing to justify my actions by breaking the rules of society or my moral code then I better be willing to pay the price.

I have made these decisions in the past.  I felt I was entitled to do what I wanted as I pleased.  I paid a price.  I was incarcerated.  I lost my self-respect and that of my peers.  It was all do to drinking.  I did not care.

Finally somebody did step into my life and gave me not only HOPE, but advice.  Follow the rules, all the rules, unless you want to pay the price.  It is easy enough.  There is nothing in instant gratification that is as satisfying as being able to look myself in the mirror and know I am doing the best I can today.

It may not meet others standards, but I am living by my morals.

Who's fault?

I find it so easy to blame 'time' on my issues in school.  Not enough-time.  In truth I have been terrible at planning and I have allowed other things to consume my time.

I used to blame my Mother for so much.  Today, I am given the opportunity to spend time with her and I will be truthful, I have not coordinated my time for school versus her.  I know there is a price, but I also cherish the time with her.  I had to make a decision and I did.  My school work is showing.

Also, my job and the additional hours I work.  I am working on learning to balance, but I don't know that I am doing so well.  I am a procrastinator.  I plan, but don't quite have the organization down.

Responsibility to me is being accountable.  I have to own my choices.  I am the one who decides what I will do and I get to weigh the costs.  Ultimately I know my grades may suffer, but I lost my mom once.  I am being given a second chance and I do not know how much time there is, therefor I will spend quality time with her and learn to take advantage of the rest my time to be responsible and prioritize.

I realize this is closed, but I can comment today.

I want the world to be different because I lived in it by the fact that I have and continuously learn to give more than I take.  I honestly have not always had this attitude.  I have 'thought' that I did, but I am selfish.

Because of that selfishness I have paid a price.  My life got to the point I lost all dignity and hope.  Thank-God, there were others that cared when I did not.  They have taught me the simplest things and for that I am forever grateful.

Today I get to work and can afford the simple things of being able to tip a waitress well, knowing they make less than 3.00$ an hour.  These are things that did not cross my mind in the past.  Having been in those shoes, I understand the difficulties have making ends meet.

My goal is to give back.